Stitch, put on the design wall, evaluate, consider, take down, add a new element, stitch, put back up on the design wall, take a photograph, consider, have an idea, take down, thread up a new color, take a chance, take a risk, take a breath, stitch and then the tears arrive. Not a few drops at a time, but a torrent soaking the fabric and the thread I’ve just stitched. In the midst of this I briefly wonder whether the thread colors will bleed. They say grief comes in waves. The threads don’t bleed, I’ve learned. At least not yet. Stitch anyway. Stitch through the grief.
It catches you off guard. That’s the thing. That’s what makes it hard. It’s unpredictable. Erratic. The violence of it when it arrives, unannounced, suddenly, swiftly; how do you prepare for that?
You can’t.
“How are you?” people ask. I’m surprised because I’m just fine. I’m busy, I’m working, I’m teaching, my old energy levels are returning, they aren’t back to what they were, but really, I’m just fine!
“I know you had a strong bond with her” or “I know how close you two were” or “I know…” And the pain slams into me, taking my breath away. No, I’m just fine, I think, but I’m not. I’m not fine. I’m grieving.
Where there is love there is grief. As someone once said “ It’s a good thing.” Just like she was a part of your life even when you were miles and miles apart, she is still there loving you. And the next time you come across something that makes you laugh, she will be there laughing with you.
Thank you Susan. I will remember this. ❤️
Susan was so right… she is always with you Ariane. How could she be otherwise, she’s in your heart.
For now thoughts of her are sharp, all consuming and overwhelming waves of pain and grief. In time they’ll be mingled with the pain and grief and perhaps, further along still, with bitter sweet memories that raise the corners of your mouth a smidgin as the tears drop.
You’re human, it’s completely normal. Allow it to come in wracking waves and go with it… it’s healing you a stitch/tear/memory at a time. Grief and loss are a journey that evolves and takes on new shape as the years go by. Hang in there….. hugs C xx
Thank you Carol. I kept nodding my head as I read your lovely comment. Thank you for leaving it here. ❤️
Grieving takes it’s own time to get manageable. Keeping busy helps but also letting it happen.
Thank you Sandy. Knowing so many are ahead of me on this path helps. ❤️
I’m not an expert on this, but I guess…. The biggest thing I’ve learned is we all do it differently. At our own speeds. With our own points where things are deeper and easier to move past, and the days, weeks, things are closer to the surface, and is there with us.
That’s the thing though. No matter how we view this, no one is ever really ‘gone’ as long as we remember, celebrate, and practice/honour them.
I know you’re doing that, and though I can’t say it’ll get easier (I’m not there yet, I’m afraid), it becomes a part of what we do. Like repeating stitches, like you say. We do it, we do it again, it becomes part of us, we share.
I’m always here for you. Grief, even if our path is different, we’re all in the same region. Our paths cross. We get to join in the middle places, and light candles, share comfort. Trade supplies, even if those supplies are, y’know, information or just a hug.
So *hugs*.
Thx for this Kai. I know you guys are going through it. Please give L. a gentle hug and one for you too. I appreciate you. ❤️
It comes in waves.
My love, be kind to yourself and be with whatever comes.
It is good to let it out and get it on the page, big hugs from me as you ride the currents and waves of the emotions bravely by not shutting them down or off and being in the moment of whatever it is.
You know she is there by your side while you stitch, while you grieve.
It is nearly 30 years since my dad passed and we were very close.
It gets easier. I have solace now, he speaks to me in dreams, and I chat to him as if he is here physically somedays. Weird but true.
Thx so much Christina. I love that you chat with him. I can see myself doing that with both my parents. That would make me happy. ❤️
Well said. I went through the same feelings when I lost my Mom. I think its one of the hardest steps we take in this journey called life.
Thx RaNae. And thank you for reaching out to tell me this. It does help knowing I’m among so many who’ve gone through this. ❤️
21 years later I’m still grieving, especially now for some reason. Lately little visual homages to Mom appear in my art-junk journals. I stitched a little patch into one last night. I’m weepy today about everything. In just two months I will have reached her final age. So, you are not alone.
Oh Genie – these little milestones that turn out to be not so little. Thank you for telling me. I definitely feel the presence of you and so many others who’ve reached out. We are not alone. It’s one of the most hopeful and helpful things about all of this. Our little internet village… ❤️