Every few days I venture outside to get a little fresh air and take a walk with my husband. The empty streets continue to astound.
Fifth Avenue Sunday Afternoon
On this day we decided to walk over to Union Square park, typically a hotbed of activity: sun seekers, dog walkers, protesters, activists, proselytizers, NYU students and those like ourselves who just want to enjoy the nice weather. However this was not the case last Sunday…
Union Square Sunday AfternoonCherry Blossoms almost in full bloom
Usually on Easter Sunday we have friends and family over for a little Welcome To Spring celebration. As this wasn’t possible, I made a nice dinner for just us, before my husband and I went for our stroll.
My mother’s cheesecake recipe
As I arranged the raspberries on the cheesecake I made, I thought of what stitches would best replicate them. I’ve been working on shooting a video for each of Sue Spargo’s Toned Down Circle Sampler, a 90-day project she is doing on Instagram – #InstaStitchWithSue, because all her workshops have been cancelled for the next few months. Each day Sue unveils a new 1″ circle, and each afternoon she tells me which stitches she will be using for the following day’s circle so I can make a video; a kind of sneak peek into that day’s circle for all her followers.
It’s been such a wonderful project so far. Today will be the 16th circle. What follows are a few of my stitched circles, sometimes following Sue’s circles closely, other days taking the stitches she is using to make my own interpretation. These circles and making the YouTube videos have made what has been an incredibly stressful and painful time much less so. I am reminded of the resilience of humanity and how often beauty emerges from great upheaval.
I’m not sleeping much these days. The up-side is I’m getting a ton of stuff done. Also, photographs of empty New York City streets, though eerie, have a certain grace to them. I only venture out every few days, but when I do, I’m struck by the same things: the exquisite beauty of New York City, the increasing number of people wearing face masks, the amount of space people are keeping between themselves and others, and the absence of noise.
Someone on social media posted an image like this one, with the caption (I’m paraphrasing) – Remember these? They’d be good to have right about now.
Every morning I go over the things I’m grateful for. It’s a routine at this point, something I’ve been doing for more years than I can count. Only now my list has increased exponentially. Things I once so took for granted as to not even make the list, are now at the top, among them are: electricity, food in our refrigerator, my husband’s breathing next to me during these early morning hours when I cannot sleep, but keep hoping I will be able to, the sound of sea gulls calling to each other, a friend texting or calling to check in, the little snoring noise our cat, Merlin makes when he’s curled up next to my head at night, knowing we have enough toilet paper for the next week, who knew that would ever make the list!? All the people in my life whom I love. The list is long. I’m so grateful.
Gratitude and fear are not easy companions. The fear may still be there, but its power is greatly diminished. The other day my husband and I were discussing fear and how insidious it is. He reminded me, “Courage isn’t the absence of fear, it’s going through it.” Here’s to courage, and noticing those thousands of moments of joy and beauty in every given day.
Merlin knows he shouldn’t sit directly on top of a piece I’m working on.Until I look away, and then he does this…My interpretation of this project by Sue Spargo is giving me great joy at the moment. For more about it, and my collaboration with Sue, you can go to my YouTube videos all contained in the Playlist #instastitchwithsue.
Every evening at 7 PM this is how we New Yorkers show our appreciation for those who are putting themselves and their families at risk in an attempt to help the rest of us.
The juxtaposition of the dire and frightening, with the joy and hopefulness that inevitably arrives with spring and warmer weather, is on display everywhere here in New York City, the city that has been my home for almost 40 years.
The mobile morgue just a few blocks from us outside an emergency care facility.
At no time in my life have I been more aware of death. The collaborative song of appreciation, like an orchestra warming up each evening at dusk is yet one more reminder of both the fragility of life, but also the immense beauty of it. People standing on their balconies, roof tops and out their windows to express their gratitude for those who do not have the luxury to do so, is a kind of music that pierces one’s soul.
Downtown Manhattan
Most of us were so caught off guard by the pandemic that has swept through this city that I love, we were in a state of stunned inaction those first few days. Things moved so quickly it all seemed unreal. It felt like we were bit players in a sci-fi horror movie that none of us had auditioned for. How to make sense of any of this. How to continue without letting the fear consume you. And yet we do. And yet we do.
The vulnerability of these tulips caught my attention and I immediately wondered which stitches would best capture their delicate allure. My way of warding off the fear, worry and stress has been to throw myself into work. I am putting in twelve, fourteen hour days and am grateful for my latest obsession. I recognize this is not how others are coping, but it is how I am. I want to do little else. It is a kind of manic need to stay busy, combined with sleeplessness; were we not in the middle of a pandemic, I might even be concerned.
As it is, I am churning out at least one video a day and often more like two. I feel fortunate to have this to keep my mind occupied. I am grateful that my friend, Sue Spargo, agreed to send me the stitches she will be using for her 90-day embellished, wool, circle, project the day before she unveils the next circle so that I can shoot a video, a kind of sneak peek of the stitches she will be using. This project is giving me so much joy, a tiny circle of happiness to brighten each day.
My version of Sue Spargo’s Toned-Down Circle Sampler
The Cherry Blossoms are in full bloom here in New York City, and they’ve parked a mobile morgue six blocks from where I live on 7th Avenue. Both are off-white.
Life has utterly changed in such a short time, it has left most of us reeling. And yet, we find ways to adapt. It is our resilience that makes us both admirable and complacent. I’m choosing to focus on the admirable right now. Last night as I was taping my most recent YouTube video, I could hear people shouting, clapping, banging pots and cheering from their windows, balconies and rooftops for those who are on the front lines, putting their lives and the well being of their families at risk so the rest of us might feel a bit calmer knowing if we or someone we love were to get sick a stranger would be there to help us, even save our lives when our spouse and children would be forbidden from even visiting us.
And my heart broke.
Each of us is doing our best to cope in myriad ways. My coping has been to adopt a manic work schedule. I was up past midnight two nights ago editing videos for Sue Spargo’s #InstaStitchWithSue project where she is featuring one 1″ wool applique circle and embellishing it with her beautiful threads and creative stitching for the next 90 days on Instagram. For those who might like to join in, she is also posting the instructions on her FaceBook page- Sue Spargo Folk-Art Quilts.
The day before she unveils the next circle, she is telling me which stitches she will be using so that I can shoot video stitch tutorials on my YouTube channel for left handed stitchers, but often for right handers as well, as many stitches are not hand dominant. I’ve made an #InstaStitchWithSue PlayList on my channel so that people who are following her project can easily find those videos. It makes me so happy to have a tiny role in her beautiful project.
My “To Do” list has never been so long, there aren’t enough hours in a day to accomplish even half the things I’m trying to do. Making the whole sleeping thing seem that much more a luxury or so I tell myself when I’m up at 3AM out in the living room working. And I know that this is my own peculiar way of coping with something so huge I cannot completely wrap my mind around it. I am not sleeping well something I’ve noticed others share, as we sometimes will acknowledge each other on social media with a little smile and wave of camaraderie.
There is such beauty to be found in our fellow humans who are trying to help others, who are trying to make this world and our lives a tiny bit more bearable. Their acts of kindness, generosity, and humor make those cherry blossoms all the more breathtaking.
New York City has now earned the dubious distinction of being the epicenter of the pandemic. I know 6 people whose doctor’s believe they are sick with COVID19, though without the ability to test anyone unless they are incapable of breathing on their own, it’s impossible to verify, and another handful of people who are sick and suspect they have it, but again, have no way of knowing for sure.
What I do know is that here in New York City we are a population of more than eight and a half million people, living tooth by jowl, and like the rest of the population in the US, had hoped all of this would pass us by. Except it didn’t. And here we are.
It is bizarre it is to be able to stand in the middle of what is normally a busy street filled with cars and pedestrians and see no one.
At least a week before my gym closed I developed a cough, had some other weird symptoms and called my doctor’s office. I asked if I should be concerned and if it was worth getting tested, just to be safe, but was told they had been sent 10 tests, as had all private practices in New York City, with no indication of when or if they would be receiving more. Ten tests for a practice that sees thirty times that many patients in less than a week.
Obviously my rookie symptoms were not a high priority and so I began self quarantining, before it had become a thing. But it did make me wonder at the whole – Have you traveled to China? Have you been in contact with someone who tested positive? – the litmus test for knowing whether one should worry. The first question was easy to answer, Nope, haven’t been to China in the last month, but the second question was a bit harder, because technically, no, I hadn’t been around anyone who’d tested positive, on the other hand, I hadn’t met anyone who had been able to get tested period, so how was that even a question anyone could accurately answer? How can we know how many people are carriers? How many people are asymptomatic? Wouldn’t this be good to know? In fact, isn’t this essential information to have?
I meant to write an upbeat piece about how we New Yorkers are resilient in the face of difficulties, but once I began writing, that idea took a back seat, because what we are experiencing in New York City right now is what much of the United States may be facing in the coming weeks. And while most of us will be just fine, there are a lot of people who aren’t and won’t be, particularly those who are on the front lines trying to save lives. To all those people – please know that we are staying home thinking about you and appreciating all the risks you are taking for us.
I leave you with some lovely photos taken on my walk with my husband over the weekend, which was the last time I stepped outside, donning the now mandatory face mask and latex disposable gloves, our new normal when venturing out these days. Stay healthy and safe everyone.
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