There are so many things going on that I cannot talk about publicly for a variety of reasons, but all of these things piled up can make life feel particularly challenging at this moment. The specifics are unimportant. Most people are grappling with things they cannot and do not talk about for personal reasons. What I do know is that staying calm in the midst of it all, certainly helps. In addition, I remind myself to take time to appreciate all that I have.
Which reminds me of the story about the man who is being chased by a tiger. There is a cliff straight ahead and all other escape routes are cut off to him. He must make a choice – get eaten by the tiger or jump off the cliff to his certain death. So he does what any reasonable person would do, he jumps off the cliff, but on the way down he grabs hold of a shrub growing out of the cliff’s sheer face. As he hangs on for dear life he notices a single flower growing from the shrub. He marvels at the beauty of this flower while clinging to what few moments he has left of his life as his grip loosens.
This isn’t how the real story actually goes, there are a number of variations to it, though the central theme remains the same – what do we do, how do we behave when things get tough? The above story is how I reconstructed the original Zen story, which features a strawberry and not a flower. My interpretation isn’t about the importance of staying present or the inevitability of death, though both are worthy topics to discuss. To me this is about how we behave in the face of adversity. We think of life as going on endlessly. When excitedly awaiting something, the minutes pass slowly, however our lives are just seconds when compared to the history of mankind. We are all going off the cliff to our deaths eventually, but on our way down, how do we behave? In the face of adversity, can I still marvel at the beauty of this life and the planet I’ve been fortunate enough to occupy while looking for an alternate way to descend the cliff without plummeting to a gruesome death on the sharp rocks below?
When things are tough can I remember to be curious and explore despite everything else that’s going on?
When creating a new project there are a few themes that crop up over and over. One of them is this idea that there is always more going on below the surface. One of my first pieces that I designed, I put a large metal zipper in to signify that what looks like a pretty garden has more going on. Another one of my pieces I entitled, “It’s Not What You Think”.
Bringing this idea into one’s art is something I continue to explore. The layers of the human experience, the depths to which we can delude ourselves, but also the honesty with which we can examine our experiences and hopefully learn from them is the fertile ground we can explore as we create. During this time of uncertainty, with the pandemic raging, the virus mutating, the constant and seemingly relentless drama in the United States, not to mention the myriad personal challenges most of us face, can I still see beauty in this world? Can I still create inspite of it all?
Often referred to as a negative, I’ve always thought of obsessions as a lifeline to exploration, creativity, joy and boundless energy. Being obsessed with something (rather than someone) results in any number of truly awe-inspiring things, such as these artists who carve thread spools into amazing miniature works of art.
Or Andrea Love whose website is filled with animations that she creates using felted wool.
How does one work through the fear that inevitably arises when creating if one isn’t obsessed with whatever it is you’re working on? I love creative, obsessive people (and thankfully so does my husband!)
My latest hand stitched piece began as a challenge for myself – Pick a fabric that is on top of the pile and do something with it. And so it began. The fabric that lay before me is a color I find problematic. It’s a kind of pinkish, salmon flesh tone. There’s nothing wrong with the color, it just isn’t a color that speaks to me, particularly. But I had set myself up with a challenge and so I was determined to see where it took me. That was in the beginning of November.
The beginning…
I began playing around, trying different threads and thread weights adding texture in the form of hand dyed cheesecloth, wrapped wooden beads, etc. At one point in a moment of desperation I took some pastels and just painted right over the fabric and the stitching. Gasp! I know. I know. Sometimes taking drastic measures is exactly what’s needed, though.
And slowly, very, very slowly it began to take shape. There were plenty of moments when I thought – well, worse case scenario I’ll just use this piece to demonstrate various things, including what to do when you don’t know what to do or how to proceed!
But I kept at it and eventually began seeing things I liked, as opposed to all the things I didn’t. And once that happened, I began to turn a corner with this piece. However were it not for the fact that I’m obsessed with hand stitching, creating and designing, there’s no way I would have stuck it out. This piece would have been put into a corner and forgotten about. I credit my obsessiveness, dogged determination and perseverance as the reason that didn’t happen.
This is the title of my latest YouTube video where I talk about how easy it is to talk oneself out of creating something new. Ever had the experience of thinking – “I’m going to design something new, I don’t know what yet, but something!” and then you sit down and suddenly you’re thinking about all the laundry that needs to be washed, the floors that need mopping, the faucet that should be looked at, the emails that need answering, suddenly, even your taxes seem like a good idea? Yeah… I know. Crazy. I’ve been designing or creating something, in some medium, my entire adult life and yet, this still happens to me (ok, I totally exaggerated about the bit about how I consider doing my taxes instead of creating. That hasn’t happened yet, but all the other things I’ve contemplated, I swear.) I’ve learned a few things over the years, and I discuss a couple of them in my video.
When I wasn’t taping and editing that video, I was trying to figure out how to make an Instagram Story. For anyone younger than 50 reading this – I know, I know, but I didn’t grow up with this stuff and it can seem pretty daunting. However there’s hope, even for me. Below is my very, first Instagram Story that I posted yesterday afternoon with a lot of guidance and help from my friend and chef extraordinaire Vikki, @Chefvikkik. Thank you Vikki! ❤️
My mother is a wonderful source of humor and joy, particularly during this pandemic when she’s taken to sending us (her children) videos, photographs and sometimes text of things other people have created. Here’s one of them – this one is from Daniel Emmet singing his version of Nessun Dorma. Wonderful!
And then there’s this from Taavi Metsma coming up with a great new exercise routine, which I won’t be able to do because we don’t have that many spare rolls of T.P. in our house. He’s clearly flaunting his stash, making the saying “compare and despair” all the more real and distressing!
These are two improvisational pieces that came out of my demonstrations of stitches used during my YouTube tutorials.
When I began making videos I watched a lot of YouTube videos on how to make Youtube videos. There is a certain humor in that. I also watched a great many videos giving suggestions for anyone beginning a channel on everything from how to create a banner, to how to insert links into your video, how to make thumbnails, how to edit on iMovie and lots of other topics involving the making of videos. YouTube is its own sprawling beast, with “influencers” and people who are making a LOT of money through their youtube channels. And some of the biggest influencers are people who make videos advising others on how to make videos. Does anyone else find that hilarious?
I began this channel planning to post a video once or maybe twice a week. I then decided I would post Monday, Wednesday and Friday. This plan was quickly revised to posting two videos a DAY, seven days a week! It has gotten totally out of control!!! On one day I posted THREE videos in a single day, but that was because Sue Spargo began telling me the stitches she will use on the following day’s circle for her #InstaStitchWithSue project, which I then created a playlist for, because it’s so popular and so many people are following her and it. For more about her project go ‘here‘. She is also telling me the stitches she is using for her popular Block of the Month. (I have almost finished all of the stitches she’s using in April’s block.)
My #instastitchwithsue Project
To say I’m grateful doesn’t cover it. During this time, when things are in such upheaval, when the future seems more fragile than ever before, this channel has grounded me, challenged me and kept me very, very busy! That so many people are now watching the videos I make, commenting and reaching out to me, means more to me that I can express. Yesterday morning I posted the video below to express my gratitude to Sue Spargo, her family and the people who have subscribed, watched, and followed my channel.
There is one other person who has shown me more support than anyone else, and that is my friend, Anna Bates. I’ve mentioned Anna before, but I cannot write about my channel and its growth without talking about her. Anna is the person I first mentioned my idea to, over a year ago when we were in Tucson at a Sue Spargo Workshop held at Tanque Verde Ranch by Madeline Island School of the Arts. Anna was the one who first encouraged me to go for it. Anna has continued to be my biggest cheerleader, giving me shout outs on social media, her blog,Woolie Mammoth, and on the weekly blog she writes for the Quilt Show. Without Anna I would not have more than 1.000 subscribers in just under 8 weeks. Making the adage – “Together we can do so much more than any of us can do alone” truer than ever.
Every evening at 7 PM this is how we New Yorkers show our appreciation for those who are putting themselves and their families at risk in an attempt to help the rest of us.
The juxtaposition of the dire and frightening, with the joy and hopefulness that inevitably arrives with spring and warmer weather, is on display everywhere here in New York City, the city that has been my home for almost 40 years.
The mobile morgue just a few blocks from us outside an emergency care facility.
At no time in my life have I been more aware of death. The collaborative song of appreciation, like an orchestra warming up each evening at dusk is yet one more reminder of both the fragility of life, but also the immense beauty of it. People standing on their balconies, roof tops and out their windows to express their gratitude for those who do not have the luxury to do so, is a kind of music that pierces one’s soul.
Downtown Manhattan
Most of us were so caught off guard by the pandemic that has swept through this city that I love, we were in a state of stunned inaction those first few days. Things moved so quickly it all seemed unreal. It felt like we were bit players in a sci-fi horror movie that none of us had auditioned for. How to make sense of any of this. How to continue without letting the fear consume you. And yet we do. And yet we do.
The vulnerability of these tulips caught my attention and I immediately wondered which stitches would best capture their delicate allure. My way of warding off the fear, worry and stress has been to throw myself into work. I am putting in twelve, fourteen hour days and am grateful for my latest obsession. I recognize this is not how others are coping, but it is how I am. I want to do little else. It is a kind of manic need to stay busy, combined with sleeplessness; were we not in the middle of a pandemic, I might even be concerned.
As it is, I am churning out at least one video a day and often more like two. I feel fortunate to have this to keep my mind occupied. I am grateful that my friend, Sue Spargo, agreed to send me the stitches she will be using for her 90-day embellished, wool, circle, project the day before she unveils the next circle so that I can shoot a video, a kind of sneak peek of the stitches she will be using. This project is giving me so much joy, a tiny circle of happiness to brighten each day.
My version of Sue Spargo’s Toned-Down Circle Sampler
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