The headaches begin with a tightness. It’s like a shadow, looming just to the side. I can feel a tingling behind my eyes, at my temples, a scratchy sensation at the back of my head. It’s similar to when you sense someone’s looking at you before turning to meet their eyes. This is when I pull out the ice pack, the neck pillow, rub tiger balm onto my forehead and temples and turn the lights down. Waiting. Waiting. Will it get worse or can I ward it off? I breathe in slow rhythmic breaths. I center my energy and try to relax. I lean into the pain. I try to find its center and breathe into it.
Two days ago I had four or five hours without any pain at all. Amazing! It was a beautiful few hours. I couldn’t believe I’d spent most of my life without pain. Without headaches. Without fear of when or if, just living my life. Pain is like that. Suddenly it’s here and if it lingers or worsens we do our best to adapt and adjust while trying to find the source. Was it something I ate, drank or didn’t eat or drink? Am I feeling more stress than usual? I turn to google: “what to do when one gets a headache?” “What’s the difference between a migraine and a headache.” I read up on the various horrors that may or, usually, may not await. Meditation, medication, massage, acupuncture, get my vision checked, go to the doctor, check, check, check, and on the “to do” list.
Meanwhile life goes on. Right now the pain isn’t bad. It’s a 1 on a scale of 1-10. A few days ago it was at a 7 or even 8. We’re not supposed to talk about this publicly. We’re supposed to be stoic. We’re supposed to remain silent. Expressing this sort of thing is a sign of weakness. We can’t let anyone know. It shows we’re vulnerable. So we say nothing. People casually ask “how are you?” We’re just being polite, we don’t really expect the truth. If we answered truthfully that question might not get asked so casually. So we say, “I’m fine. Thanks so much for asking. How are you?” Politeness wins out and we have done our part to maintain the fragile equilibrium of societal niceties.
There is something unseemly about writing about this. Particularly as the pain is slight and manageable right now. And anyway I don’t want people to worry. It’s probably nothing. Headaches are like that, they evidently can come in clusters and it’s often finding a way to break the cycle that does the trick. I’m sure I’ll be fine. Still I will call my doctor and get a vision test today.
My version above of a meme by @stitchesnquilts that I saw on Instagram the other day and it made me laugh so I wanted to share my tweaked version of it. Because boy do I crave laughter right now. The meme below, another that has been making the rounds, made me smile. And who doesn’t suddenly feel invisible bugs are crawling all over your face? Or is it just me?
Another meme making the rounds that made me smile
It is impossible to write about anything at the moment and not mention the current pandemic. I live in Manhattan. An island that is home to more than 1.6 million people. That’s a lot of frightened people crammed into a relatively small space all trying to stock up on supplies in case they need to stay inside for a month (or by the amount of peanut butter, broth and toilet paper being bought) perhaps people are thinking longer term, it’s hard to know.
As I write this, I am aware of how little traffic I can hear, and it’s the middle of the day on a weekday. A time that is typically filled with the cacophony of city life: sirens, irritable drivers making their discontent known, honking horns, shouting voices, music blaring from passing cars, alarms going off signaling a truck backing up or a car whose space has been invaded. People are out and about, but the mood is noticeably different. People are standing a little farther apart, not like the push and shove that New Yorkers are known for. It has the feel of a 4th of July weekend (without the TGIF anticipation and relief) when huge numbers of Manhattanites leave for their country or beach houses and the city empties out, except the vibe is a whole lot eerier.
The mayor announced Sunday that all schools are now closed. New York City’s museums have locked their doors. Broadway is dark. Times Square, usually a haven for tourists, is eerily quiet. Store fronts are dark, their iron grates locked down. Think Will Smith’s apocalyptic thriller, I am Legend, minus the tumbleweed. Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but it is weird out there. And I keep wondering – how does one find the balance? Knowing that this is serious and life has changed, things will not be going back to what they once were any time soon, and yet steeling oneself from the contagion of panic and even hysteria.
Manhattan – the city I love
Someone compared these last few days to 9/11, but it doesn’t feel at all like that to me. In the aftermath of 9/11 there was a mourning mixed with horror and the awful knowing of just how hideous humans can be toward one another. Yes, there was the same kind of bleary eyed realization that all our lives had irreparably changed, but this feels different. Perhaps it’s how things are changing so quickly hour by hour with no end in sight. Perhaps it’s that there is no “containment,” no focal point, it’s everywhere and everyone feels at risk.
When times are tough, I have always found joy in creating. These past few years, that has meant in stitching and playing around with fabric, wool, silk, velvet, linen, ribbons, and threads. There is a zen-like state that I feel when hand stitching that is both meditative and incredibly calming. Time moves at a different speed, worries recede. There’s a whole community out there of fellow stitchers who know what I’m talking about. I’m so grateful for that. Community at the moment feels that much more precious.
From @stitchesnquilts on Instagram
A few weeks before life as we know it changed, I launched a YouTube Channel: Ariane Zurcher ~ On the Other Hand, where I demonstrate embroidery stitches, tips for sewing things like needle turn applique, how to make a perfect circle, emboss velvet and lots of other things I’ve learned along the way. The idea is to go through Sue Spargo‘s Creative Stitching book with the goal of doing a video for each stitch. Many of the stitches I’m demonstrating are not hand specific, in other words, whether you’re right handed or left, the stitch will be stitched the same way, but many of them are hand specific and for those stitches, I am demonstrating them for left handers specifically, though I’m also teaching myself to stitch all of them right handed too. I’ve received a wonderfully, enthusiastic response so far from both left AND right handers, and am working around the clock to keep up with the many requests I’ve been given.
https://youtu.be/4in3Y7me3gc
My recent tutorial
I love the comments people are leaving. It is life affirming to have a community, and now, more than ever. Thank you to all who have subscribed and commented and liked and watched. It feels good knowing that there are so many of us out there, stitching away during such surreal times. I think of all the people who know what it means to be passionate about textiles and thread, who are calmly stitching while a tumultuous world swirls around us. And there’s balance in that.
Today is the final day of the first leg of my Ariane Zurcher Jewelry trunk show in New York City. Next week I’m in Chicago and the following week Aspen, Colorado. It’s a – three trunk shows, in three cities, in three weeks – tour!
I’ve written about how I started designing jewelry ‘here‘ and about the genesis of my Transition Collection as a way of finding that elusive “balance” of family and work that so many talk about, but that I never seem to actually achieve, ‘here‘.
I won’t go into any of that again, but like everything in life, it’s impossible to compartmentalize career, family, children and friends into neat little boxes where nothing overlaps with anything else. And even if it were possible, I wouldn’t want to do it. I love that design influences life and life influences design. That these different elements weave together to create something unique is what I respond to when I look at any art, whether it’s a painting, ceramics, sculpture, clothing or jewelry.
18 Kt Brushed White Gold, Druzy and Natural Pearl Ring
My daughter, Emma, has begun writing stories. Those of you who follow my other blog, Emma’s Hope Book, will have likely read some of her writing as I’ve posted it there, with her permission, more and more. What I love about reading her stories is how unexpected they are. Every sentence is a surprise, a tiny, sparkling, gem of an idea, beautifully wrapped up in words that take my breath away.
Recently Emma told me she was interested in jewelry! Before I pack up this trunk show, I plan to ask her to point out a few things she particularly likes. Words and jewels… the apple didn’t fall far…
Balance. People talk about it all the time. Balancing a career with family. Balancing time, balancing finances, balancing meetings, conference calls, parent/teacher conferences, holidays, ambition… balance… What does that even mean? Who does it well? Does anyone do it well? Or do each of us do the best we can a minute at a time?
Lotus Collection ~ 18 Kt Gold & Sapphire Bracelet
The first collection I put together was the Juno Collection. I created it using hot wax I shot out of a gun on to a form. It was 2007 about three years after my daughter was diagnosed with Autism. About a year after I created the collection I was interviewed and asked, “So do you think this collection represents chaos and what was going on for you at the time?” My immediate response was, “No!” When I thought more about that question, I thought about how that collection represents the beauty of the unknown; I imagine it as a galaxy and the gemstones are stars. It’s about hundreds of threads, people, places, things and how everything intersects and how together we create something complex, intricate and how it’s all interwoven. That interviewers question had me thinking about what inspires us to create. I realized that on a more practical level I needed to create a collection that dealt with balance and to me the essence of balance is in the ability to be flexible. (I struggle with both!) How do we do all we need to do in any given day and not have things fall through the cracks. Is it even possible?
Samadhi/Transitions Collection ~ 18 Kt Gold & Baroque Pearl Earrings with Removable 18 Kt Gold Adornments
I don’t know the complete answer to that, but the partial answer is being flexible. The Transitions Collection was born with exactly this thinking in mind. How could I create a collection of jewelry that met the varied and often disparate needs of a woman who is like me: someone who has a career, children, husband, friends, travels and all that involves? Someone who might need to be at a business meeting and yet have the flexibility to take a sick child to the pediatrician at the drop of a hat. Someone who, in a given day, might need to leave work, go to a friend’s book party or an art opening, before going to the theatre with their husband? Or someone who travels for work, but needs to have a few things that are elegant for various evening functions. What kind of jewelry could I design that would meet those women’s needs and might reflect that kind of diversity in one’s day?
The Transitions Collection was born! It had to be comfortable, the jewelry had to move with you. So I designed it so it became a part of you and you forgot you were wearing it. To achieve this required intricate workmanship. Each piece is hand fabricated and slightly different from the other. You start with a base necklace, bracelet and/or earrings and add beautiful gemstones, a clasp, or extend the necklace so it can be worn over a turtle neck. The bracelet is a bracelet, but it is also an extension to the necklace. A diamond pavé clasp is added to the base necklace and the whole look changes. Flexibility, balance, beauty.
Keeping all of this in mind, I am having a “play date with Jewelry” event here in New York City May 8th & 9th from 11am – 5pm. If you’d like to join me in playing and seeing the Transitions Collection RSVP either by commenting here or through email ~ ariane@arianezurcher.com.
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