And in the middle of teaching a workshop this week, but thought I’d grab these few free minutes that I have to write a post. First off, if you haven’t seen my other videos and posts about my artist’s residency, it was AMAZING!  Truly beyond anything I had imagined.  Being immersed in art, living with a group of artists for two weeks was just incredible.  I had no distractions other than self imposed deadlines, and the occasional load of laundry, but otherwise I was free to explore, create, learn and be inspired by everything and everyone around me.  It was magical.  And added plus, in a group of 16 artists, there wasn’t a single prima donna!  Not a one.  Everyone was beyond lovely.
I’ve been home now for just over a week and already it’s all beginning to fade into the background. Â In many ways it feels as though I was just there, as in yesterday, and in other ways it feels as though it was all a dream and never happened at all or if it did, it was years ago. Â Time is strange like that. Â Still I have both Paris and Orquevaux on my weather app, so everyday I look to see what the weather is like over there. It’s a tenuous thread that still attaches me to that magical place and time. Â One of these days I’ll remove them both, but for now, it’s a bit like listening to an old phone message from my mother. Â I know she’s gone, but I can’t bare to delete it.
The piece I created while at the residency is pinned precariously to a large foam board and propped up on a desk until I can put together a more permanent solution for it.  I started referring to it as The Beast until someone suggested I use the french word for beast, which is La Bête, and they’re right it does sound better, a bit less jarring, a little softer.  Still, there’s something about the forcefulness of “The Beast” that I rather like, so I alternate between the two depending on my mood.  My friends in Paris suggested I call it Genesis, particularly since I’m doing a series.  I’ve bookmarked that idea for now.
Once this workshop that I’m teaching is over, I’ll get back to it, but for now, it waits for me patiently.
While at the artist’s residency I interviewed a few of the other artists and then ran out of time and so was only able to interview six of them. Â If you’d like to see what some of the other artists were doing while at the residency, you can watch those interviews on my youtube channel. Â They are all under the Interviews! playlist.
I also had time to create a number of videos on the process or more accurately my process. Â Here are a couple of those videos:
This blog is a reminder of my mother. Â She was my biggest supporter and commented over the years more than anyone else. It was through this blog that I often kept in touch with her and towards the end it was the one full proof way I knew I could reach her, especially when my emails would go unanswered and my phone calls went to voicemail. Â I knew she would read whatever I was posting. Â Over the last few years when she could no longer speak, she would send me things that she knew I’d post here, much to everyone’s delight, because the things she sent were such fun.
Like this video:
And then there was this one that I loved:
Mostly I’m missing my mom and while I know this will ease over time, it’s still causing me to wake up many days feeling listless and kind of “blah”. Â I know from other periods in my life when I’ve felt down and a loss of energy that doing the things that I don’t feel like doing are the things that often make me feel better. Â It’s funny how that works. It’s counterintuitive, but if I can remind myself to do those things anyway, I’m halfway there.
It reminds me of when I was the Director of the Aspen Writer’s Conference and had organized to have Michael Crichton speak to kick off the conference. Â During his talk he was spoke of a work ethic. Â He was speaking of what artists, specifically writers, but it applied to anyone in the arts, often do. He said, imagine if you were an airplane pilot working for a major airline and got up in the morning and thought – you know I don’t really feel like flying today, I think I’ll sleep a few more hours. – You’d expect to be fired immediately or at the very least given a stern warning and if you tried that again, you’d be out of a job. Â He then went on to ask, why do artists treat their work any less seriously? Â If you’re a writer get up and write. If you’re a painter, paint and so on. The point was, our feelings don’t really matter when it comes to getting the work done. Â If we think of ourselves as an artist then put in the hours and create the art, regardless of the feelings.
With that in mind I keep showing up for the work, regardless of how I’m feeling, because I create. Â That’s what I do. Â That’s what I’ve always done. Today is no different than any other in that way. Â Yesterday I taped a video on this idea, and some of the things I do when I’m feeling low energy, which almost always comes hand in hand with doubt.
“While you don’t control external events, you retain the ability to decide how you respond to those events. You control what every external event means to you personally.”
The Daily Stoic
When we returned from Africa, I had a livestream scheduled for the next day and a Zoom meeting that couldn’t be rescheduled shortly after that. Â As my computer had crashed and then been wiped out while in Africa, I really, really needed to get it working again or get a new computer, which is no small undertaking, especially if you’re someone like me who is basically computer illiterate and the very idea of migrating information leaves me in a cold sweat. Â So I went to the nearest Apple store only to be told that basically I should hold on to the computer I had and try to migrate from my time machine. Only my time machine hadn’t backed up since last April. Â WHAT???? Â I know, I know. Â Evidently time machines need to be periodically checked to be sure they’ve backed up and do not always do so automatically. Â News to me. Â
So I went home and backed it up and then had endless problems resulting in tons of phone calls with various tech people, as well as realizing how much information I had lost, and then in the midst of all of this I was overcome with a combination panic attack, grief (my mother had just died) and despair; I went into our bathroom and sobbed. Â To say I “cried” wouldn’t do it justice. It was more a cross between a howl and uncontrollable sobbing.
“While you don’t control external events, you retain the ability to decide how you respond to those events. You control what every external event means to you personally.”
And that was the thing. I was taking all of this personally. The computer, my mother, jet lag, grief, panic… All of it felt like an assault on me. Â But it wasn’t personal. It was life. So I’m trying hard to remember that. It’s easy to remember when things are going along as I expect them to or when things happen that are unexpected, but are welcome events. Â It’s much more challenging to remember when things happen that I don’t like or want.
And yet, here I am writing this post on my new laptop, which has taken some adjustments and came with it’s own set of challenges, typing away!
I’m teaching my last workshop, Improvisational Stitching, of the year and am making new Youtube stitching videos and am getting back to creating and incorporating my travels into my latest piece. I can feel my energy returning little by little.
As long as I don’t take things personally, I’ve got this.
Oh, and look!!! Remember I said I so regretted not purchasing some Kuba bark cloth while in Africa, but that I remembered there was a guy who sells African fabrics on the street? Â Well over the weekend, I found him and here are the pieces I got from him. Â This first was badly damaged, but I was able to repair it and even figured out and copied the stitch originally used to stitch the seams together.
Bark Cloth From The Democratic Republic of Congo
And look at this one!! Â I just love the colors, all natural dyes, made in The DRC.
Kuba Cloth
And finally this one, which is by far the most typical, from what I’ve seen.
Hand Stitched Kuba Cloth made from raffia, hand dyed and sewn from the Democratic Republic of Congo
And here is my improvisational stitching piece where I’ve begun incorporating some of the things I saw and loved while in Africa using Pat Pauly hand dyed linen.
I just finished editing the final video of our Africa trip. If you’re interested in following along I created a playlist: African Adventures and you can subscribe to get email notifications whenever a new video is posted. The last video of that trip will post on Saturday.
A couple of fun things are in the works. First I’m interviewing my friend Pat Pauly this Wednesday and should have that interview posted on my Youtube Channel by Thursday. Â And speaking of Pat, she hand dyed the most exquisite pieces of linen and has them up on her site. Â You can go and purchase by clicking ‘here‘. Â Pat’s linen is my favorite linen to use because each piece is utterly unique as she stencils and hand paints each one and also because she uses an excellent quality 100% linen. Â I love the hand of it and how easy it is to stitch through. Â A word of warning though, last time Pat put a number of these on her site she sold out in less than 24 hours, so if you want one, you better hurry!
I was so inspired by my trip to Africa.  It wasn’t just the animals, but the crafts, the baskets, the textiles, the masks, sculpture, art, all of it was just thrilling to see.  As a result I’ve been incorporating some of these elements in my improvisational stitching  piece that I started a while ago.
in other news, I’m doing my best to take it easy, get used to this new malaise that seems to be part of my life now and not get too upset that my energy level is so much less than what I’m used to.
“This too shall pass” they say and so I remind myself of this all the time.
It all comes down to what you’re willing to say out loud. Which, one could argue, if you’re asking yourself this question it’s probably best left unsaid. You know?
However, never one to stay quiet, I did just post a video regarding The Ice Cream Situation. You can view it below.
So there’s that.
Do you ever feel like there’s so much going on you can’t really keep up and so you end up being less productive rather than the reverse simply because it all feels like too much? It’s all about balance, I think. That’s kind of what’s been going on around here lately. Nothing bad, all good things, but just a lot of things. So I’m scrambling, and feeling a bit like a hamster on a tread mill, moving quickly but not really getting anywhere. That’s how it feels anyway. I know this isn’t the truth, but it feels that way. Feelings are not facts. Hence the deep dive into The Ice Cream Situation. It’s okay, I’ve extricated myself and am now ready to face my never ending “To Do List”.
I’ve written about the To Do List before. It’s kind of an essential part of my day, a kind of road map to follow and then whatever doesn’t get done gets rolled over to the next day. Kind of like frequent flier miles or data storage on your phone, except there are no hidden costs. A win-win, right? Well, sort of, except that sometimes that to do list feels like an anchor so then one has to ignore it or make the decision that it’s a “to do tomorrow” list. But you can see where this leads, can’t you? Fortunately I don’t often procrastinate and my To Do list can be very bossy, but in a good way.
To Do List: email so and so.
Me: Right. I’ll do that in a few hours.
To Do List: follow up with a phone call.
Me: Yes, ok. I’ll do that in a few hours.
To Do List: Give it 24 hours then email again.
Me: Oh all right. I’ll send them an email now.
To Do List: Work out cost of thread kits
Me: Ugh.
To Do List: Work out cost of fabric kits
Me: Isn’t there anything on this list that is actually fun?
To Do List: Work on improv piece.
Me: Oh! I can do that!! That will be fun.
To Do List: Work on Abstraction piece.
Me: Oh, yes, another fun project. I’ll pull that out.
To Do List: Clear up sewing machine desk area.
Me: Right, now where is my improv piece?
To Do List: Website Issues – (and then a three page list of things that I need to learn, figure out or actually do)
Me: I love my improv piece. That’s what I’m going to work on.
And so it goes. I’ve found that if I put at least a few things on the list that I really, really love doing then I can usually start on that and then work in a few of the not so fun things in between. Kind of like when you’re hiking and get a blister and then keep going anyway because you know the view at the summit is going to be spectacular and you don’t want to miss it.
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